Are dating sites good for you?

 Ok I'll come clean. I've joined an online dating site. Two actually. (Look forward to Pete's post about all the dangers).

I woke up one morning and the idea was in my head. The first was Catholicmatch.

Trouble with Catholicmatch is that it's USA centered. There are only a splattering of NZ women and most are in Auckland. Nevertheless I have, and still am, chatting to some very nice people in the good old USA.

I did a quick look around and found Christian Connection. This has many more locals. Filters let you choose denomination preferences, marital status... I've been in contact with lots and chat regularly with some.

I've got over the slight embarrassment and stigma of belonging to these sites. It all just makes so much sense. I know from my house cleaning days that there are plenty of older women sitting at home feeling a bit lonely. Sure there are plenty of nice ladies at the church I go to. But the problem is how do you know if they are married or not. You can't really just ask. Word would get around; "There's that man that's asking everyone if they're married".

What prompted this post was chatting last night with someone about this subject.

We agreed that a lot of people don't come out and tell the truth straight off about marital status. I've also heard women say that a lot of men just want one thing (no surprise really).

At first I thought that it didn't really matter, 'we'll just chat as friends'. As I've said in a previous, now deleted post, I spend a lot of time talking to fellow women workers and actually feel more comfortable with the opposite sex than many of the same. The trouble is that there is a fine line between just chatting and thinking 'mmm she's very nice!' when she's divorced or separated.

So in conclusion, I do recommend the sites I use, but it is a learning curve. 

Obviously don't divulge personal details too early and be very sparing later, only talking in general terms about these.

Read profiles carefully and use them to start a conversation.

Expect to be ignored most of the time. It's worth putting up with rebuttals to meet a few nice ones.

Always be very respectful.

Decide early on to only chat with those who could be part of a relationship given beliefs etc. It can get hard and painful for all concerned to suddenly back track.